Uh, hey everyone!
In this episode, I'll talk about a video I came across.
This lawyer, Guo Yanjiao—I see him often.
then I saw this clip — quite interesting, folks,
you might want to check it out.
Uh, it talks about matters of love and feelings and such.
that was never something he mused.
He is like this
In my view, what I mean is that
my wife has a physical fondness for me
and in my heart, I believe
that I truly do love my wife very much.
we are together —
yes, we were classmates
who ended up together after graduation
and at the start, there was a smooth and pleasant fondness
that carried us this far
a family like ours right now—indeed, in our hometown,
this would be considered
But if I were to say, I’d call myself a life-winner,
with a great family and a healthy, bright daughter.
and my wife works in the government,
and she's a quite capable leader—her job is great,
and our family is doing well in every way;
my own work and business ventures are also going smoothly
but you met true love then
Hmm, can't say I met true love—did anyone jump on your back?
That's right. The core issue here—what exactly is it?
I've been with my wives for quite a few years now, and indeed,
in other ways, in our daily life
together, I find things quite pleasant and fine
I do like my wife quite a lot,
but after years together, the passion might start to fade
so you've met quite a few loves along the way.
No, is not, is not
Don't say that,
just say it—oh my gosh, stop building up, just say
yes yes, I feel the lure, this temptation is here
you're blocking now, not blocking,
can't block it, can't hold it
I kept blocking
Hmm, feels like I can't block it now.
Should I block? Is it tough to block?
block, but it is tough
Hmm, so then?
So then, would you consult me? Chat with me, perhaps?
So are you asking if I should block,
and whether it's worth the effort? Or not block at all?
Just open the gates or what?
Hmm, I might not be here to seek your opinion outright,
but perhaps just to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Hmm, I'm not entirely seeking your views here.
in fact, quite a few clients who come to me
also face this very issue.
Hmm, we've been talking for years,
been married for years,
and even started back in college, high school,
or even way back when we were still in high school.
Hmm, but people—yes, they can't stand loneliness,
be it men or women.
Most folks, just ordinary folks,
still tend to have what's called 'vulgar taste,' heh.
Hmm, to me, this is what vulgar taste means.
If someone has a richer, more complex inner life,
they simply don't have time for such things.
Hmm, quite a few folks might think,
if I can't even handle one,
why would I take on several,
or even a bunch?
That's why folks can be so very different indeed.
Hmm, some folks do one thing, fool eight at once—haha,
still not enough for them.
Others just do one, date one person,
and that’s already enough for them.
he just needs to say —
some folks need only one strategic rear area,
and then they channel more effort into,
go off and do other things—careers,
hobbies, passions, and such like these.
Hmm, but then, what sort of creature, or animal, is a human?
a creature fond of showing off, yes,
and one driven by that... thing,
whatever it was called—we won’t name it.
so most people still find they cannot escape from this, uh,
that most primal, raw desire within us.
We'll keep listening.
I have quite a few friends, and quite a few more friends,
and most of them—well, their families are quite nice
within the friend circles we usually interact with,
most of them here in our town have quite happy families,
yet they all face this same issue
Do none have a party?
with Party or not then?
So, in this situation, right? I'd say you must block it, right?
either you'll sink to self-degradation,
or you'll wreck your family entirely
Ah, or else if your wife finds out, her feelings will be hurt,
and she might well decide to leave you;
your child would suffer,
and so would your parents.
your heart sees love now shattered for good
Then I'd say that,
but what else could I?
In truth, I know deep down that even if I don't hit,
my wife won't leave me anyway.
But you are truly very confident.
Hence, girls, never let the other person feel so assured,
for it makes them think you're easy to control
and that you can't live without them.
So, uh, you must always make your partner feel like, 'I, I, I...'
I can have you today,
but tomorrow I might just kick you out.
If you treat me badly,
I'll ditch you right away—can't let him get used to this?
Hmm, if one can manage this well,
most relationships could indeed
last a lot longer than they do.
but it's because you gave her so much security
that she became so full of self-confidence,
hee—he's so average yet so full of pride.
Of course, he said that,
but it might not be true —
what he thinks isn't necessarily the truth,
or even close to it.
because many girls see their boyfriends
as utter fools in their eyes.
many times, guys shouldn't think they're
so smart—your wife is far more capable.
he just acts it out — acts as if he truly loves you,
coaxes you, and gives you emotional value.
but his feelings will get hurt,
and my child's feelings will get hurt as well.
and they'll break up in time.
Because she isn't a woman with naught
he is quite great.
But what is the true thought deep in your heart?
Do you feel that if I block the way,
I'll just live like this forever,
never find the meaning of to live,
and I am not so happy?
just now, inside, there are things we simply cannot balance.
Yes, and you often ponder: when we to live is just to blend in,
to become the 'successful' person others imagine
or to feel truly happy, fulfilled, and excited —
which is the meaning of to live?
I and my spouse, we — perhaps in the eyes of others,
to many people's eyes, we are a great family,
and such a family match is indeed a very good one.
Then, from the moment I got married,
I hoped that I could be a good husband
and a good father to my child.
I've always done just that,
and so far I've done quite well,
though as one grows older with the passing years
Sometimes I wonder—how can one person truly love
just one person
for their entire life?
No, what you mean is love —
romantic love between two people cannot last;
no one can do it, unless that person dies while still in love
Get it? No can
You say, yes, that's fine—loving just one person for life?
Well, that's quite unlikely.
Just as he said,
when love was strongest, gone—this one vanished. Then,
then, he stays your eternal white moonlight.
A vermilion mole, yes?
Hmm, because, ah, a person—no matter how complex you are,
once you've lived long enough,
you'll see them clearly and lose that sense of novelty.
humans, you see, crave novelty and have endless desires —
once one is fulfilled,
another arises, and yet another, and yet another.
some folks have moved beyond vulgar taste
and can find fulfillment in their careers or other pursuits.
but those who feel hollow
often claim they seek more validation
in love and social connections.
In fact, most folks who cheat tend to lack self-confidence
quite a bit,
I'd say.
then you might think, no, they are quite confident,
yet they lack both self-assurance and strength.
One might say, their inner strength is not enough.
so he seeks validation from so many people—his own approval,
others' approval, for others to see him as great,
very great, and wonderful.
Hmm, uh, he's still in that phase
where he isn't truly strong yet.
Hmm, and all my friends around me are quite decent.
In fact, I've been praising myself —
like, my own level is pretty high,
and my wife isn't bad either.
Hmm, when he praises his wife,
it's really a way to praise himself,
not just to laud her genuinely.
because such a wonderful woman is willing to give for me.
even if she knew I cheated, or might cheat,
she still chose to stay by me —
that shows just how valuable I am.
so this man feels prouder of himself when praising others.
sometimes it's not about praising others, but oneself.
Many words — don't just take them at face value;
there are deeper, even deeper meanings hidden within.
Hmm, what he didn't say —
that part is what he truly meant to convey.
I think it is quite tough, quite tough.
Hard isn't hard—it's not, might not, and never could be.
I have a thought now. I suppose one might say,
but not necessarily here.
I think marriage, perhaps, is more a societal need
and goes against human nature.
only those who can restrain their desires
most might be able to sustain this marriage
quite well indeed
The person you mentioned—was it someone
who can restrain their desires,
someone with certain social resources and capabilities,
since they face many temptations?
then there are those who don't need to restrain,
for they face no temptations,
lack both means and means,
and just holding on is already quite hard
This society, this world, is surely just like this
for instance, a woman who is attractive,
or a man with social resources —
these are forms of value,
and all things tend to gravitate toward value
Now, deep inside, I do restrain myself quite often,
which is rather sad
I just don't.
Ah, in this case, just tell him to let his true self shine.
Can you suppress yourself for life like this?
since your mindset isn't that lofty,
just go ahead and do it, then bear the consequences yourself.
He's not unable to bear the consequences,
but he can't face others' disappointment.
You, this scumbag,
and yes, that heartbreaker—those things he built up
were just the surface stuff.
Hmm, how to say... to others he seemed quite refined,
yet in an instant, it all fell apart.
what he couldn't bear
was this, not some other thing—mainly, his pride was gone,
and he feared others would look down on him.
so it doesn't mean he's a particularly noble person;
just because someone stays faithful
doesn't mean they're especially virtuous.
he is exercising restraint—just the use of that word shows
it isn't a natural state at all.
you have to suppress and endure such things —
they do not reflect your genuine inner state at all.
Ah, so then, sigh—people with truly great character
are rare indeed;
one must reach a certain level of refinement.
Hmm, love and feelings — be it men or women,
girls can lose control too sometimes.
My wife, she's great—maybe she loves me
even more than I love her
Not humans? Human minds pass through many distinct stages.
The first stage is one of vague confusion.
some folks remain in this muddled, clueless state
all their lives, with very low desires and scant abilities
he never ponders things and just lives out his whole life.
there might be another type—you,
someone who possesses some thinking power
so then, yet I am always
bound by rules and limits—what I am is one
who fears and dreads
There are those who see through this entire life.
The third tier: seeing through life fully.
Whatever choices they make are their own,
and they are willing to bear the consequences.
For instance, you.
you dug your grave deep.
if you choose not to resist those urges,
you must face the fallout—get it?
bear all the outcomes —
which is precisely why
you are unwilling to face the fallout now.
including harm to your wife, public opinion,
and the fact that if this family falls apart,
you may try to build another one,
but might not hold it together either.
including your parents' rebukes
I've thought through everything,
and if I don't want to bear the burden,
then that's fine.
Otherwise, oh dear, I choose to resist these temptations,
so what must I do on a regular basis?
often feels inner turmoil,
just thinking—oh, how dull and boring this is
that feeling where excitement
never quite hits its peak—that is why
one cannot have it both ways.
but I think, in truth, humans are wired
to want both this and that at the same time
that's because you're in Stage Two;
by Stage Three, you won't want both and more
Look at how someone makes their career choices
and what they say — they believe
people always want this and that.
Indeed, most folks are just like that.
Hmm, some folks don't have to 'muddle through'—like, uh,
how to say... Player, Player turned good now.
some folks are indeed like this here.
some folks are born without needing to tread
so many winding paths —
they remain pure and upright,
and some are just more spiritually attuned.
May everyone here be folks with higher spiritual sense,
who don't need to endure
so many trials to grasp life's truths.
but of course, if you can finally grasp it,
that is quite sufficient.
for you know folks can't have both and both
I surely do grasp these truths quite well
in fact, what I care about these days is not really much
the biggest issue of all
is that I feel our marriage is strong,
and when it comes to economics and other policies,
I think about those even more.
deep down inside,
you might even wish your wife had her own feelings.
If she told you, 'I don't love
you—let's part,' you'd feel a weight lift off your chest.
What are you truly afraid of?
afraid of blame,
afraid of guilt—this isn't from your own perspective.
Don't tie this to how much you love your wife,
but to yourself
So, Ms. Guo. I share all this with you
from your perspective—do you think I love my wife or not?
you care for him, but not in love terms
this love—well, as for me and Ms. Guo, I see it like this:
when my partner and I first met,
we were truly in love and have come a long way together
I said not none back
and he keeps trying to whitewash himself —
hinting, both openly and subtly,
that he's a good man.
I told myself that this love
has now grown into something like family.
Yes, I said there was love
Four six eight nine eight.
Twist me up.
I am me, and I have two last words to say to you
you say time is scarce now
First, you are one of the most decent and kind-hearted men
I have ever met in my life.
Indeed, because of size, this is no issue for most men —
why is that?
because they never die;
they just go with the flow,
fearless, and do as they please whenever.
they don't think this far ahead;
they rely on luck and lack strong moral standards altogether.
so this isn't a problem for them,
but it is one for you to contend with.
so right now, when I mention Ms. Guo, apart from my spouse,
I must say we aren't very keen on marital life,
but we're happy in other ways.
I know I get it —
I said you two are close;
I said that, and I didn't deny it
I've stressed this so much—am I the one who doesn't get you?
I do, alright?
I still haven't got the answers I want.
You want the truth, I won't be here—do not claim so
Ah Ma, just flip the Coin yourself.
In cases like this, you should flip the Coin yourself.
The moment you toss it,
you’ll know which side you wish to see.
the pitiful one is his wife,
but what he says about her
may not match the image he has in mind.
in real life, I've seen this many times—men
who think way too highly of themselves,
believing their partners should bow to them
and obey them fully.
But humans are like
this—without whom can we live? It's just a matter of time.
Hmm, many middle-aged couples face this very issue.
But each person has their own way to deal with it —
stretching out the timeline somehow.
If humans lived not just seventy, eighty, ninety,
but six hundred years,
how could you stay with just one person
for your entire life until death?
Not realistic.
So, a short life does have its perks.
Haha, indeed.
In this episode, I'll talk about one—what was it?
A line I came across before.
Wherever people gather, they discuss just three topics:
indirectly boast about oneself,
exaggerate to belittle others, and stir up gossip by prying.
In this world, there are just two paths to choose:
either embrace solitude or fall to the mundane.
I shun not solitude, but fear crowds may not be genuine.
I'd watch clouds through small panes,
not clash with folks on tales.
Hmm, so many folks—true sages in the end—chose solitude.
Hmm, I mentioned this before:
the best bond between people is no bond at all.
or perhaps you should not grow too close to folks.
Hmm, because when folks gather and talk,
the things they discuss are always the same.
What am I talking about now?
indirectly show off, boast about myself.
Haha, I admit that.
But so far no one's been belittled, and gossip seems okay too.
Ah, that's it for this episode.
Since I had some thoughts, I'll share them with you all.
Hmm, just a bit—let me share.
Thanks, everyone.
That's it for this one.